Peestick Chronicles

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T17:22:00.000-07:00

Today is my first Mother's Day as a mom. It's kind of bitter-sweet. I have my darling baby here with me and she is my heart. And I know B is also thinking about Macy today. I wanted to see B or send her flowers or something, but due to circumstances regarding a slight legal problem it just isn't possible.

Also weighing heavy on my heart is thoughts of infertility. I can very clearly remember those raw feelings of the hurt associated with today when all you want is to be a mom. Any of my (few) readers that are walking through the pain of infertility, my thoughts are with you.

As for my Mother's Day, hubby bought me a beautiful calla lilly plant and amethyst earrings--Macy's birthstone. Here is a pic of me and Miss Macy from today.

And a pic of Macy, me, my mom, and my grandma. 4 generations.

Happy Mother's Day!

Pictures

2010-03-30T20:57:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been over a month since Macy was born. We've been in baby-land for a while now and I'm loving every minute of it. Here are some long over-due pictures of my sweet girl.

Macy Addison

2010-03-02T17:51:00.000-08:00

She's here!

Macy arrived Sunday, 2-28 at 3:08 am. She's 7lbs 13oz and 19 and 1/2 inches long.

She's absolutely perfect and we are so happy. We're home, all doing well, and adjusting.

I'll post some pics later.

37w4d

2010-02-15T08:56:00.000-08:00

Things are still going well. B has another dr appt this Thursday and they are also going to do an ultrasound to check position, growth, and fluid level.
The bags are packed and in the car along with the car seat. We are ready. I keep feeling like there is more to do here at home, I want the house spotless so when we bring the baby home I don't have to do anything but love on her.
We are having a hard time deciding on baby names. I want a strong name but something not too popular. I just haven't found the perfect name yet. I hope when we see and hold her the perfect name will just come to us, but I think I might be being a bit unrealistic.

The Love Challenge

2010-02-05T09:40:00.000-08:00

Julia over at Sweet As Punkin Pie is doing a Love Challenge. What marriage couldn't use a little more love and maybe romance? I"ve joined up and I hope you will too!

Nursery Pics

2010-02-04T10:10:00.000-08:00

B is 36 weeks today. We saw the new OB last Thursday and she loved him, we both did! He has given us an induction date of March 8th. Her due date is the 4th but she wants to try to make her 1 year mark at work so that she will get a week paid vacation. So if baby girl is ok with it she will be delivered the 8th. Here are some pics of the nursery.

This is the cradle we bought, it was our first baby purchase back in August.

Her dresser. This is an antique piece my mom had in storage and I restored it last September.

A picture of the room from the doorway.

The moses basket Mark bought for my shower. The lining is more of a mint green than it shows in the picture.

Her butterflies.

Car seat and stroller combo. Graco Quattro Travel System with SnugRide32 in Deco pattern.

Her bouncy seat.

This is the pack n' play in our bedroom with the bassinet on top. Right now it's the holding area for stuff to take to the hospital--our bag, baby's bag, and a gift for B. Oh, and Mark's cigars.

34 weeks

2010-01-21T12:10:00.000-08:00

B is officially 34 weeks today since the ultrasound moved the due date up to March 4th. She has 2 doctor's appointments this coming week, I don't really get the point of the visit on Tuesday but Thursday is with the OB. She will be 35 weeks then. We are really getting close now and it's wonderful and scary at the same time. B has decided to have the baby room-in with her for the 24hrs she's in the hospital and she wants Mark and I there as well. I wasn't expecting that but I understand. She needs to get to know her daughter a little before saying goodbye. She also said she wants the memories of seeing the baby being cared for and loved by us. I kept looking for the perfect gift to give her in the hospital and then decided on a digital camera. She's mentioned how she would love to be able to get pictures of her kids and how she's missing moments in their lives. So a camera seemed to fit. Nothing extravagant, just a simple camera.

We've got the baby's bag packed and most of our things gathered up to be packed. This Saturday is supposed to be pretty so I'm hoping to get the porches cleaned off and the Christmas lights down.

And on a different note, today makes 7 years since my first nephew Jacob was born still. I miss him and think about him every day.

It's A...

2010-01-04T20:48:00.000-08:00

The ultrasound was today. B is 31w6d. Baby was very willing to show the goods. Here's the ultrasound pic, anyone have any doubts about the sex of the baby?

I'm going to have a daughter. A baby girl. Mark and I are over the moon with joy!!

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T18:02:00.000-08:00

2009 is quickly coming to an end and I'm very excited to ring in 2010. We had a little party here for all the day care kids--pizza, cupcakes, fireworks. It was a lot of fun and 4 of them are still here for a New Year's Eve slumber party. I expect they will all be out long before midnight. The way I'm feeling right now I'll probably be out before midnight.
My nephew, Zack, cut his foot on a piece of glass yesterday and had to get stitches. He's staying with us for it to heal up a bit and he can't walk on his foot for a couple days. He's too young for crutches or anything like that so I just carry him where he wants to be.
Well, this obligatory NYE post has no Earth-shattering revelations or realizations. I'm looking forward to 2010 because we will be bringing home our baby. I'm glad 2009 is over because it feels like a closure to trying to conceive.
On the baby note, B went to the Dr on Tuesday, heartbeat was 124 when babe was resting and 140 when they poked at him/her to move around. B has lost 2 lbs, but everything else looks good. Monday is the big ultrasound day!! She's 31w2d today.

Happy New Year!!

Gingerbread Houses

2009-12-20T13:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the daycare kids and I made Gingerbread Houses. We were inspired by Chari over at Take Time To Smell The Rose. We took a few shortcuts though. For example, I didn't make and bake gingerbread, instead I bought graham crackers and cut them into shape. It was pretty easy; it takes 4 whole crackers for each mini house. 1 for each end---you cut the top to a point like little gables, then break the other 2 graham crackers in half--2 halves for the sides and 2 for the roof. Then we used royal icing to glue it all together. I'd never made royal icing before but it was so easy and inexpensive: 3 eggwhites, 1/2tsp cream of tartar, and 1 pound of powdered sugar. Easy peasy!

Since they were mini houses we used sturdy paper plates instead of covered cardboard. After letting them set a little it was time to decorate! We had green and red colored sugar, peppermint and spearmint candies, gummi fruit, blue sprinkles, multi-colored sprinkles. We just used what was on hand.

We all had a really good time. The kids were all very proud of their houses and enjoyed showing their parents. And of course, the finished houses! From top to bottom, left to right: Joshua's house-age 5, Isaac's house--age 4, Lindsay's house--age 10, my house, Zachary's house--age 4. This is very likely to become a tradition at our house.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

It's been a while

2009-12-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

Things are going great on the adoption front. B had a Dr's appointment on Dec. 1 and then again on Dec. 15th. I didn't get to go to the one on the 15th because I had a horrible stomach virus. I tried to get up and go and just couldn't. Mark and my sister went and they called me when it was about time to hear the heartbeat and held up the cell phone. Best sound of my life! I cried a little. Good strong heartbeat at 138-142. They moved the due date back a little to March 2nd. The baby won't move for me. When I put my hand on her belly he/she stops moving. But my sister got to feel it move.
My friend Vanessa, my mom, and my sister-in-law threw me a baby shower on Dec. 5th. We thought if we had it early in Dec. we could avoid the snow, well, it snowed. So not many people came but it was very nice anyway. I got most everything I need and since there weren't many people there I called Mark to come over and some of then other men followed.
We got another big snow last night. Most people don't have power and it's looking like some may have no power til Christmas Day. We are the lucky ones, still have power, TV, phone, Internet. Well, I must go and get some more laundry done.

Hurry up and wait

2009-10-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

The nursery is painted, the new carpet is laid, we've got bottles and diapers and all those other baby essentials. Now, we wait. We've been expecting the baby for 3 months now and we still have about 4 more to go. I've always considered myself a patient person but this wait might just be the hardest of my life. I love the baby's nursery. I'll have to post some pics of it. It's just exactly the way I always imagined it with the very pale yellow walls--the paint color is called Warm Summer, this crib from JC Penney, freshly painted dresser, and a nice new rocker recliner. At first I wanted a pretty wooden rocking chair but the more I thought about it a rocker recliner made more sense because after I'm finished with it in the baby's room we can move it out into the family room and I figure there will be times I'll end up sleeping sitting up with baby so a recliner just sounded better. We don't have a lot of clothes yet since we don't know if it's a boy or girl. We still need a lot of little things too like a baby monitor, bouncy seat, high chair, swing, pack n' play, sheets, etc. My mom, sister-in-law Tonja, and best friend Vanessa are planning a baby shower for me. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family.

From shorts to scarves overnight

2009-10-14T19:07:00.000-07:00

Last week we were wearing shorts and t-shirts. Today I wore jeans, sweatshirt, winter coat, and gloves. Typically we get a nice dose of 60 degree fall weather. Something has gone wrong this year it went from hot and humid to frigid. Oh well, the weather has pushed us indoors and there is always something that needs done indoors. We started painting the baby's room this evening, 1 more coat of paint should do it. I want to go this weekend and order new carpet for the house so I've been cleaning out closets and de-cluttering. I've sold some stuff on ebay and trying to sell on diaperswappers--so far not successfully. EM is still doing well. I still feel zoned out in my own little getting-ready-for-baby world. And I'm lovin' it!
Did anyone watch 18 kids and counting last night? I'm so happy for Anna and Josh and their new baby girl. And I'm very pleased to see she had a smooth homebirth. Homebirth is something I always wanted to do. Since they named their first baby Mackynzie I wonder if their future children will also have M names.

Happily Domestic is hosting a Cloth Diaper Giveaway Week

2009-10-07T06:19:00.000-07:00

Happily Domestic is hosting a really great event on her blog. She's having a cloth diaper giveaway week! Head on over to her blog to learn all about it.

http://

Too soon for motherly instincts???

2009-09-30T05:58:00.000-07:00

EM--expectant mom, felt the baby move about a week ago. When I found out I was so happy, this is such a big milestone. About 2 weeks ago we all met up unexpectedly and EM's baby bump is still growing nicely. Whenever we see her or talk to her I have these strange feelings, it feels like I almost want to mother her. If she says she's been craving something--mostly sweets by the way--then I feel I must get it. If she's tired I just want to do anything for her so she can rest. Of course she's carrying a baby that I am hoping and planning to raise, but it's more than that. She's in such a hard place, she's been through so much for such a young age. But it's not pity. Anyway, I can't really explain it.

In other news, my best friend Vanessa had gastric bypass surgery on Sept. 14th. I spent the night before surgery with her and it was like being a teenager again. Now the surgery is done, and my best friend is hurting. She's in pain. And I don't know what to do for her. There were some complications during surgery, there was an air leak somewhere in her pouch or intestines and they had to patch it. She came home with 2 drain tubes. The doctor told her no more pain pills but she's in so much pain. Tears streaming down her cheeks she looked at me and said "I regret this." I simply don't know what to do for her but hug her.

Just life, nothing exciting

2009-09-03T19:02:00.000-07:00

Things have been busy around here. I just got out of the hospital with pneumonia and bronchitis. It was my first time ever having to stay overnight in the hospital and I didn't care for it thank you very much. Feeling better and trying to play catch-up with the housework now. I haven't spoken with expectant mom in about a week and a half. I want to just talk to her constantly and ask her every little pregnancy detail but I know I can't. When we get on the phone I ask the "how are you feeling" and "how are the kids and hubby" questions but it always comes to a lull in the conversation and I start feeling awkward and don't know what to say or talk about. I need some non-pregnancy/baby related things to talk about. I've never been a very socially outgoing person. I've still been picking up baby items here and there, just odd pieces that happen to be on sale or really good discount. My mom, sister, and best friend have started planning a baby shower. Some of Mark's family have expressed their desire to wait til after the baby is born to buy gifts and I'm totally fine with that. I don't even care if the baby doesn't get any gifts and I just want him or her to know that we were planning before he/she got here and the whole family loves him/her. Since we are looking at a cold wintry birth then I don't think I want a lot of people coming in soon after to bring gifts and see the baby. It will be flu season, RSV, colds, etc. I just think having a shower before Baby D gets here makes more sense. I'm a planner, I always have been. I like having things ready. I would just feel better knowing that everything is bought and clean and put away before the baby comes.
Other than that life is still going on. We're trying to get our firewood in for the winter and just get things outside stored away.

Baby bump

2009-08-13T16:56:00.000-07:00

I saw expectant mom on Sunday and she's got a little baby bump. It's so cute.
I bought a cradle at a yard sale for $10 and it's originally $175 and it's in excellent condition. Only used a couple times, and she gave me the bumper pads and sheet to go with it. She said her toddler keeps climbing it and she's afraid she'll get hurt. I was super excited to find such a great deal.
We've been remodeling the bathroom, that was a job. New cabinets, sink, flooring, painted, etc. It looks pretty good but I'm not sure about the paint color. It's called string bean and it's a bit darker than the swatch. But it feels good to be getting things done. Next I want to start working on the baby's nursery. I think I want the walls a pale yellow and Baby Looney Tunes wallpaper border and decor. I'm going with white crib and changing table.
We are still discussing baby names. For a girl Sydney, Savannah, and Elizabeth top the list. And for a boy Liam, Landon, and William. We can't agree and still have no middle names picked out.

Gro Baby!

2009-08-01T12:53:00.000-07:00

I've been researching cloth diapers online and I think I may have found the ones I want. They are Gro Baby diapers! They are good from newborn to toddler so no need to buy different diapers for different sizes. I just LOVE the colors they come in, especially the green. The soaker pads are organic cotton and the snaps are guaranteed for life. I really like the looks of this diaper and I really want to try it out. Take a look at their site, http://www.thenaturalbabyco.com/grobaby%E2%84%A2-ic-11_16.html

So far so good

2009-07-30T10:14:00.000-07:00

Well, the lawyer meeting went amazingly well. Mark and I both really liked him. He answered all our questions and really put our minds at ease. I spoke with the husband last night and he seemed satisfied with all the lawyers answers. Basically we just get through the pregnancy and when the baby is born the lawyer sets things in motion. We can help out with direct pregnancy related expenses such as maternity clothes, doctor copays, vitamins, etc. A girl my sister works with brought a diaper bag full of baby stuff yesterday for me. It was so sweet, I cried. Our very first baby gift!
I've also started seriously looking into cloth diapers, it's overwhelming how many different options are out there. I need someone to help guide me through this. Any suggestions would be great.

Amazing how something so small can consume your whole life

2009-07-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

I've spoken with the mom a couple of times since our initial meeting last week, and I've spoken with her husband as well. They are such nice people and they seem committed to this adoption. We meet with a lawyer first thing in the morning. I've got a long list of questions and I hope I can get everything I need answered in the short 30 minutes we have with him. I really hope his fees are reasonable. Expectant mom is soon to be in need of some maternity clothes and I don't know if I can help her get some or not, WV law isn't real clear about EXACTLY what the adoptive parents can and can't pay for. I've contacted 2 places about the home study, one wants a flat fee of $3,000, the other has the services broken down into a price list but total comes to a little over $2,100. People also keep telling me that a lot of social workers do home studies on the side as extra income, and I would be fine with that if I could just find someone to do it. I know it sounds like I'm only worried about the money but really that's not it. Each day is a roller coaster of emotions and right now my mind has just settled on money.
I bought 2 little outfits the other day and a stuffed giraffe that plays music. My head is telling me not to buy yet but my heart couldn't resist. I wonder if these emotions are similar to what it feels like when a woman finds out she's pregnant? I'm just filled with love, excitement, worry, and every other emotion all rolled into one. I want to tell everyone I see that I'm going to be a mom. I can't keep from thinking about it, yet I hate to aggravate everyone by talking about it nonstop. I can't focus on anything else. It really is amazing how this teensy tiny little baby consumes my every thought!

Adoption

2009-07-21T05:01:00.000-07:00

We met with an expectant mother yesterday who is looking to place her baby for adoption. Near the end of the 1.5 hour meeting she said she wants us to raise her baby. I'm elated!! She has other small children and had healthy pregnancies each time. Rough estimated due date is late Feb/early March. She will be going to the doctor later in the week. This all feels so surreal. I don't know whether to worry, get excited, buy baby clothes, or what to do. Last night after I came home and shared the news with our family and friends I got in bed and wept. I'm so so so very happy. A baby, I'm going to be bringing a baby home early 2010. This all feels so right.
I am very aware that there could be setbacks, complications, or this could all slip away, but for now I'm optimistic. I'm excited!!!

I think I'm ready to get off the ride

2009-07-08T09:57:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to make a decision about whether to continue seeing my RE. I just got my last refill of Metformin so I need to either call and make an appointment with him or call and let them know I'm stopping treatment/going on break. Each cycle of treatment I'm pretty grouchy, I gain a couple pounds because I'm an emotional eater, we spend more money we don't really have, and in the end it fails anyway. It's taken over 5 long years but I'm finally ready to just be a mom--one way or another. During our time trying to get pregnant I've dreamed of being pregnant, a baby shower, giving birth, breastfeeding, etc, now none of that matters--as much--and I'm just ready to be a mom, whether or not the child is biologically mine.
But either way I need to figure out about my metformin, I don't know if I need to keep taking it even if we stop TTC or should I go on birth control? I found a new OB/Gyn closer to home so I saw him last month for my pap smear and he was a total jackass! I tried to ask about stopping TTC and the met and he said "make another appt if you want to discuss that" I think it was just one of those times where we just clashed. I'll look for another ob/gyn for next years pap.
In other news, things are good. Mark is working a lot which makes for great paychecks. We had a big Fourth of July party with lots of friends and family, a little rain but great overall. We are both wanting to take a vacation in Sept but can't decided where to go or what to do..suggestions?

The Flu

2009-05-14T09:43:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday evening I went to Zumba, came home, fixed dinner, watched Grey's Anatomy---Izzy and Alex got MARRIED!!! YAY!! I went to bed at 10PM. I thought it was awful cold in here but Mark was comfortable. Within 30minutes I was shaking uncontrollably, had 3 blankets piled on me, hmm...might be running a fever, yep 103. Take Tylenol, nothing. 2 hours later take Ibuprofen, nothing. I have to get up the next morning at 7am with absolutely no sleep, still running a fever. Daycare kids get here, give 'em cereal, can't hardly move or function anymore so I called the doc. After a long Dr's appt I find out I have the flu, type A. So after 2 nasal swabs I'm sent home with instructions to stay home, no visitors at all, for 7 days. They also sent a nasal swab to the state lab to check for h1n1, haven't heard anything so I guess it was negative. Today I'm finally feeling like I'm back on Earth again. I"m telling ya, it was a miserable week, I WILL get a flu shot this year. I've got a lingering cough and still get fatigued easily but everything I read online says that's pretty normal.

Now, I'm playing catch up with the house work, Mark doesn't do anything when I'm sick, so today I'd finally had enough and we argued. Now he's in bed, I"m doing laundry. Guess that wasn't a really productive argument then, huh? Hope everyone out there in blog land is feeling good and flu-free!!

Zumba! Zumba!

2009-05-06T17:37:00.000-07:00

I just got home from my very first Zumba class! Actually it was my very first exercise class of any kind. Surprisingly, I liked it. But I must confess, I'm so uncoordinated. I was always a move behind the instructor or I could get my feet to match hers and my hands would be doing their own thing. Oh well, the important thing is to keep moving, right? In early April I decided enough was enough and I was ready to drop a few pounds. I set a mini-goal of being down 15lbs by Marks and my 5th wedding anniversary, May 29th. So far down 9.5. So I've got a little more than 3 weeks to drop five and a half more pounds. I hope Zumba does the trick. My close friend, Vanessa, and I have been walking each evening and tonight we bit the bullet and zumbaed-or is it zummed, zumba'd--anyway, I'd like to make it a regular part of my exercise routine.

Down, but what do you expect at 4 in the morning

2009-04-23T01:15:00.000-07:00

It's 4:15AM and here I sit. I can't sleep. I'm feeling totally out of control in the TTC realm. No meds, other than metformin, no temps, no charts, no period, no opks. Nothing. I'm going to try to drop a few pounds then go back to my RE, but in the meantime I feel like I"m not doing anything to reach my goal of being a mom. M's working nights lately so it's thrown off my sleeping schedule. I stumbled across an infertility blog and was reading entries from 07 and 08, I'm relating to a lot of what this woman is going through, then I go to the most recent post--pics of her twin newborns. I know that this should give me hope, but I guess I'm a terrible person, because hope is not where my mind went. God, when is it going to be my turn? Ever?
If I just knew one way or the other--keep trying one day it will happen, or let it go you're barren for life--then I really think I could deal with all this. I'm in one of those funks where everyone around me seems to be having babies, adopting babies, etc, etc, and my life is at a stand-still.
Sorry this is such a downer post.

She's here

2009-03-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

My great-niece, Natalee Michelle, was born today at 4:22pm. She weighed 6lbs 6oz and was a little over 18inches long. She's just so adorable.

I'm gonna be an aunt again soon!!

2009-03-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

I just got the call about an hour ago that my niece, Dina, is being admitted to the hospital. She was 3cm dilated and some indications that her water may have broke last night. Everyone is so excited to meet this new addition. If you are the praying type, then please say a prayer for mom and baby.

It's beginning to look a lot like spring

2009-03-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

The weather has been absolutely beautiful for the past few days. We have been outside enjoying the sunshine. I pruned the rose bushes, started cleaning up the yard, bought some seeds. And most importantly we plowed up the ground for 2 gardens. We have decided to plant quite a bit this year: potatoes, beets, green beans, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, onions, and maybe corn. I'm not a huge fan of dealing with the corn. Sunday we went ahead and planted some iceberg lettuce seed. I'd really like to can some things this year so next on the to-do list is cleaning out the building where all the canning supplies are. This evening the plans include cleaning up the back fenced lot where our dog Jack lives, he's still a pup and chews up everything so there's lots of torn up bits to pick up.

Another Drawing

2009-03-09T12:07:00.000-07:00

Win a free Bumgenius 3.0 Diaper! This is a valuable All-In-One cloth diaper that you can use for yourself or give as a gift to someone expecting a baby! Go check out Hot Belly Mama's Blog for details on how to win this wonderful All In One Cloth Diaper. Hot Belly Mama will announce the winner on March 30th, after her 30th birthday!
Here is the direct link to her blog:
http://hotbellymama.blogspot.com/
Good luck!

Happy Almost Birthday to ME!

2009-03-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

I'm getting over a head cold and hoping to feel tip top by the weekend. Tomorrow is my birthday, I'll be 27. Wow, where does the time go? I can remember very few of my birthdays over the years, the most memorable was when I turned 11. I had my first real party at the roller skating rink. Troll dolls were just so cool at the time so I had to have a troll cake with hot pink hair. Ahh, memories.
Mark took a few days vacation this week and he's been home with me, it's been so nice. No idea what the plans are for the weekend, I just hope to feel better.
As for things on the TTC front, I've got another failed cycle under my belt. Currently on day 6 of this cycle, unmedicated so we'll see what happens. Last month fertilityfriend said I didn't O but I had a very normal cycle length and a slight thermal shift, I think I did O. I'm out of RX for Femara so Mark and I are discussing what to do next.

My first quilt

2009-02-26T08:44:00.000-08:00

Some pics of my very first quilt. It took me 1 day to finish, about 10hrs total work time. It's a baby quilt, about 52x52 inches. It's for my great niece, Natalee, due sometime in March. Dina is doing Natalee's nursery in Trend Lab Blossoms So that was the inspiration for the colors of the quilt.

And diagonally. The top was very easy to make, the quilting wasn't too bad. I'm a bit slow sewing still, I hope that will improve with time. But the binding on the edges was a real beast. I've got to really practice binding before I make the next quilt.

And the back, it was a very soft pink fabric.

Who doesn't love a give-away?

2009-02-26T07:55:00.000-08:00

Britt over at it's an art, not a science, is giving away one of her beautiful hand-made aprons. You should stop by and leave her a comment and enter into the drawing. I really think the give-aways are a great idea and I've been seeing more and more lately. Maybe I'll have to try something soon...but I don't think I've got enough readers yet..comments anyone? :)

Not very clever at this title thing!!

2009-02-24T17:24:00.000-08:00

I admit it, I'm not a very good blogger. I like to read other peoples' blogs more than I like to write in my own blog.
Ok, time to play catch-up. Holidays went, not exceedingly well, but I got through. Glad we don't have to think about it again for a while! Still trying to get pregnant, like the little engine that could: I think I can, I think I can! On a Femara cycle now.
I've been trying my hand at quilting. I made a baby quilt for my niece, well, it turned out to be a pretty big baby quilt 54X54. I think it turned out pretty well. I'll put up some pics soon. I went to the baby shower this past Saturday. The week prior was filled with lots of worry, tears, indecision, and finally I woke up Saturday morning and just sort of went. I felt numb almost. Mommy-to-be opened gifts, I stared out the window and OOOO'd and AHHHH'd in the right places, we played the mandatory party games, ate cake, then everyone went home. I had so much more fun after everyone had gone home. I played with my niece, Kinzie, she's 2, and we had a blast. Then babe-in-belly was moving so mom, Dina, asked if I wanted to feel. I've felt babies move inside before but always just a quick wriggle or punch. This was so different. Dina had her shirt up and I could see the little creature wiggling all over the place. She told me where to put my hands to feel the best and it was just an awesome feeling. I know, I know, most of you have felt babies move, it happens everyday, but it was just the coolest thing I've ever felt. I thought for sure that this would put me over the top emotionally, but no, it was fine. Just total excitement to be feeling baby Natalee swimming under my hands like that. I would gently press and she would quickly swat me away. Just too cool.
Mark is good, a bit worried about his job, but who isn't these days? Overall, doing good, still alive. I plan to write at least once a week from now on.

Gas-X to the rescue...

2008-11-20T12:43:00.000-08:00

Feeling better about things today. And yes, it's cycle day 1. Femara will commence on Saturday.
Last night, laying in bed, tears soaking my pillow, I started to get nauseous. I have a very sensitive tummy and the least little thing causes nausea and vomiting, sorry TMI! Anyway, M was laying there beside me, didn't know what to say or do to comfort me. When I said I was getting sick to my stomach he put his head on my arm and said "Can I get you a Gas-X?" Through my tears I busted out laughing. I love that man with all my heart, even without trying he still made me laugh in the midst of pain. Remember that movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the dad in it was always using Windex to cure EVERYTHING, well, that's how M feels about Gas-X. To him it's the magic cure-all. I love that man!

End of cycle

2008-11-19T20:11:00.000-08:00

17 days past ovulation. My longest luteal phase ever. Everything was looking good.
M and I went out to dinner. I got a baby bottle and some baby samples in the mail today, I'm a sample junkie, lol!
Now, I'm spotting, cramping, it's over. I guess tomorrow will be cycle day 1. Trying to have a baby is the most emotionally disturbing thing I've ever been through. I'm angry, I want to cry, I want to beg to God. I'm feeling so lost.
And yet, I know I need to quickly make a decision on whether or not to start another Femara cycle. Maybe I'll be able to think more clearly in the morning.

Niece is having a girl

2008-11-15T11:34:00.000-08:00

My niece is pregnant, as I've mentioned before. We found it it will be a baby GIRL!! She's due in late March. Her name is Natalie and we are all very excited to meet her. Now I need to find the perfect shower gift for baby Natalie. Mom will have her hands full with a 2 year old toddler and a newborn so I'm thinking something to help make her life a little easier. I really think she would get use out of a sling or carrier. Since I have basically no experience with baby-wearing I have no idea which one to get, there are a lot of choices out there.

As for me, I'm nearing the end of the 2ww, only 1/2 days left til AF is supposed to come. Here's hoping for a BFP!!

Only 45 days left

2008-11-10T18:34:00.000-08:00

I'm more than halfway through the two week wait. Fertility friend says I ovulated 8 days ago, YAY!!!
I've been trying to get my Christmas shopping finished. Only 45 days left! I've only got a few left to get, M being one of them. He wants a 9mm pistol and he works so hard and hardly ever buys anything for himself, I'm really going to try to get him the gun for Christmas. I'm also on the lookout for a good deal on a children's bicycle for one of the little boys I watch, Stone. He's 7 and really wants a bike for Christmas. I bought his sister, Elizabeth, a coat for Christmas but gave it to her early since the weather set in pretty cold. I need to get her something to have under the tree to open so she doesn't feel left out. Any suggestions for a 12 year old girl?
M keeps asking what I want. Truthfully, anything at all would be just fine. I don't think I'm a hard person to buy for. My heart's desire is to have a child of my own, and I try so hard during the holidays to put up a strong front and do all the family/kids/holiday/fun stuff. It starts about Halloween, seeing all the little ones trick-or-treating. This year we took our nephews out and had a pretty good time. But then when we get home all their excitement about the evening is directed at showing Mommy what they got or telling Daddy about the different costumes they saw. M and I are left standing aside, feeling empty again. Thanksgiving isn't too bad, we go out to eat, shop, and then the little ones come by to have dessert with us. Christmas is hard. I don't want to decorate, make cookies, bother with the tree. But I do. I do because my nephews, and Elizabeth, and Stone. I want them to have fun and make memories. I do it so that I'm not the bitter barren lady who won't put up lights. If we don't get pregnant this cycle then this will be Holiday Season number 5 we've been through while TTC.
OK, I didn't mean for this to turn into a whiny post, sorry. I'll try harder next time to lighten things up a bit!

Let it snow

2008-10-27T20:03:00.000-07:00

It's snowing here! It's the first snow we've seen since last winter. I just love the snow. I went to high school in the northern part of West Virginia and we were up on the top of a mountain. It snowed nearly every day from mid-fall to early spring. I really learned to appreciate the snow, skiing, tubing, sledding, all that good stuff. The snow this evening is just supposed to be flurries with maybe a light snow shower. I don't care, just seeing the snow or smelling the air right before it snows puts me in a better mood. Hmm...maybe I've got reverse SAD. Where we live now we only get maybe 1 or 2 good snowfalls each year, 4-6inches or so. I'd really love to get away sometime this winter and go skiing, M has never been and I really think he'd like it. I'm going to go fix some hot chocolate and enjoy the rest of my evening.

Nothing new

2008-10-24T11:43:00.001-07:00

Third times a charm, right? Well, this is Femara round 3 and I'm feeling side effects this go around. I've got a massive headache and Tylenol does nothing for it. Dizziness has also been a disturbance a few times over the past couple days. God, please, let it be my turn.

Country roads, take me home

2008-10-21T19:12:00.000-07:00

CD 4 here and day 2 of Femara. So far so good. With all the charting and figuring out when to BD and all that other good stuff sometimes I do a quick jump-ahead and count 40wks ahead and see what my due date would be if I were to get pregnant this cycle, July 25th, 09. Sounds like a wonderful time to have a baby in my opinion.
This past Saturday was my nephews birthday party, Zack 3 and Josh 4. They had such a great time and they got new bicycles, so great to see their little faces when they saw them! On the way to the party, which was at a State Park, we were on a narrow, curvy, little 2 lane road. We came around a curve at 1 point and there was a 4-wheeler in the other lane with what looked to be about 5 people riding it, and to the right a chicken walking along the road. It just struck me as funny, not too many city folk ever get the chance to see people using 4wheelers on main roads and having to slow down for chickens.
Then Saturday evening, M, me and our friends Vanessa and Matt went to a Corn Maize. It was SO much fun! We were inside it for about 2.5 hours before I got out voted and we skipped out the side and left. I am determined to go back and beat that darn maze.

Light a candle

2008-10-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. If you have lost a pregnancy or an infant, or you know someone who has, then tomorrow, at 7pm, light a candle and let it burn for at least 1 hour. It doesn't matter what time zone you are in, just at 7pm your local time, light a candle. Maybe say a little prayer or blessing, whatever you see fit. If miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss hasn't happened directly to you but you know someone who has felt this pain, then light the candle for their little angle, go out of you way to do something special for the mom and dad. When you have a miscarriage everyone seems to either forget or think you've forgotten, it's nice to be reminded once in a while that others remember your little one's presence on this earth, no matter how short. Light a candle. I know I will.

Happy Birthday Zacka!

2008-10-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my nephew, Zachary. Yesterday he turned 3! It seems like just a few weeks ago he was a tiny little baby just coming home from the hospital. He was such a good, happy baby. He hardly fussed and then it was only for food! Then he become mobile and decided life was more fun when the adults were always in an up-roar! He could climb before he could walk, he'd just crawl over to something and start climbing, couches, chairs, tables, desks, Christmas trees, it really didn't matter! But we've made it past the "terrible twos" and fingers crossed things will only get easier from here. Now don't get me wrong, I love this little boy just like he were my own and I wouldn't change a thing about him even if I could. I love you Zachary and I look forward to watching you grow up, and hopefully giving you a baby cousin someday soon.

When I was single and first out on my own it was odd to be called Ms. W-, then when I got married being called Mrs. D-, felt great, but when my first nephew, Joshua, was about 14mos old and called me Aunt Jill for the first time, my heart just melted. It's probably the greatest thing I've ever been called.

I'm a bad blogger...

2008-10-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

I can never seem to find time to post on here. I guess it's just that things aren't very exciting, at least not lately.
As for what's happening, well not happening, reproductively, I didn't ovulate this cycle. So I started back on a pack of birth control for 3 weeks then I'll try the Femara again 7.5mgs days 3-7. I should finish my pack of birth control on Oct. 20th, that is if I can make it that long. My RE gave me Femcon, the chewable kind, and I've taken it twice in the past and it's always had nasty side effects like flooding, clotting, etc. Sorry if that's TMI! I'm already a week in and so far so good, knock on wood.

Does anyone else watch/follow the family "The Duggars." I am so fascinated by them and I really don't know why. Last night I watched the newest show and it was all about their oldest son, Josh, getting engaged. He and his fiancée are both 20 years old and they do nothing more than hug and hold hands. Their first kiss will be at their wedding, isn't that just such a sweet thing? I hope lots of younger kids will see that and follow in their footsteps.

Prayers needed--Update at bottom

2008-09-09T10:53:00.000-07:00

My niece is around 11wks pregnant with baby #2. Today she started having some minor complications and has gone to the ER to get things checked out. If you are the religious type, then please, just say a little prayer that mom and baby are both ok.

UPDATE:

It turned out to be a simple infection that can be cleared with oral antibiotics. Baby is due in March, maybe he/she will come around my birthday, March 6th.

Colds ruin everything!

2008-09-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

I haven't ovulated yet and it's cycle day 21. I'm getting pretty discouraged this cycle. Last weekend we went to Cincinnati, Ohio and watched a Reds ballgame. M is a HUGE Reds fan and it was his first MLB game ever. The game was great, the Reds won and Encarnacion hit a Grand Slam! It was wonderful seeing hubby so happy. They put on a great fireworks display after the game. Then the next day we went to King's Island for their starlight admission--5 hours for $15--a great deal if you just want to grab a few quick rides. It was nice, but M doesn't ride much, so we rode 4 things and hung around a played games, ate funnel cake, etc. Having a weekend away was just heavenly. We came back on Sunday evening and I woke up Monday morning with a head cold. Of course I refused to take any over the counter cold meds because I didn't want anything to dry up my CM because it was O time. It's progressed from head cold to chest cold and last night my asthma flared up a bit. I'm feeling better today I just sound bad. The little guy I watch, Zachary-2 almost 3, who also happens to be my nephew, overhead me talking on the phone about my voice being very hoarse and insisted on a piggyback ride and has called me a horse ever since.
I'm hoping the cold has just delayed ovulation and it will still happen soon, the latest I've O'd is day 23 so I'm still holding out a little hope. But M got home from work this morning and said he's feeling awful, sore throat, stuffy nose, all that stuff. So I don't know if we will be able to, well, ya know, tonight. I'm guessing no.
But that's all that's been going on around here lately.

New Beginnings in teeth and TTC

2008-08-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

My dear husband, M, has had terrible teeth since long before we got together. When he was a child he had braces and they hurt him quite badly. He became terrified of anything hurting his teeth or mouth and so he refused to brush. That coupled with unwillingness to see a dentist and his parents lack of discipline equaled rotten teeth. His solution was when 1 tooth got to hurting so bad he couldn't take it he'd go have it pulled. This caused days of pain after each visit and days of anxiety leading up to each visit. So we discussed dentures and he decided to have all his teeth pulled, 1 quadrant at a time. His top were done last year and he was fitted with dentures and I'm pleased to say his bottom is all done now too! The stitches are out, gums healing nicely, and his breath is incredibly better! I don't mean this to sound petty, but his breath was so bad, and his teeth so painful, that we hadn't really had a good kiss since, I guess our wedding day. 2 nights ago I had my first kiss from my husband in over 4 years. I'd forgotten how wonderful kissing is. I'm very proud of him for overcoming his fears and getting his dental work taken care of. He goes for dentures in Sept.
I'm on cycle day 6 so today and tomorrow and I'll be done with the Femara this round. The side effects are hitting a bit harder this time but still nothing like Clomid. I've had like 3 mild hot flashes, a light headache since day 4, and tears flow a bit easier than normal. I got book Unsung Lullabies yesterday and I've started reading it. I'll let you know what I think of it when I'm done. I love to read, chic lit mostly. I'm a member of paperbackswap.com and I just love it. It's really saved me a lot of money over the past year or so too. For any avid readers out there you should give it a try, it's free, you post books you have to give away, then when someone requests one of your books you mail it--at your cost, usually $2.25--then you get a credit which you can use to request a book from another member, and they mail it at THEIR cost. And they were doing a deal that if you signed up and posted 10 books to trade you got 1 free credit.

Femara Cycle 1 a Bust, feeling a little low

2008-08-15T09:54:00.000-07:00

This cycle is officially over. My temp dropped well below my cover line and now I'm spotting. Cycle day 1 should be tomorrow. I'm going to do another Femara 7.5mg cycle again. Overall I was pretty pleased with the Femara. And this cycle was a nice normal one, ovulation on day 18, 14 day LP, 32 day cycle. Gotta remember to get to the pharmacy to pick up this months Femara. Last month the pharmacist came out and asked what in the world I was doing with Femara and 3 pills a day at that! Poor guy, I still don't think he got it, oh well! I'm pretty down today but I think I have earned the right to be down for just 1 day, right? No work today so I'm just going to cry when I need to cry, pray when I need to pray, and get just a little lazy when it comes to housework. I just always get real hopeful when we try something new. I was really starting to believe I was pregnant, I even started looking at baby things online. Picking out cribs, bedding sets, looking at cloth diapers, scouring ebay for maternity clothes. I never actually bought anything, but I did look.

M bought a big screen TV from some of his family and we are supposed to go pick it up today. I couldn't care less about the TV, just give me a stereo and a stack of CD's and I'm good. Sure, there are a few shows I watch on TV, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, House, Private Practice, but I can do that on a little TV, I don't need a big screen. It really must be a guy thing. My fur baby, Cricket cat, has allergies and she has to get a shot of Medrol once every 6wks or so and yesterday was the day. I give her the shot and we usually do really well, I just catch her sleeping, pet her and pinch up the skin on her lower back, and pet and pinch, then poke. Quick and simple. Well, M helped yesterday and was petting her head, I stuck the needle in, she turned her head and sunk her teeth deep into his hand. She brought blood. OW!

Things to do with a placenta

2008-08-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

As I'm sure most everyone has heard Matthew McConaughey and his girlfriend Camila Alves have welcomed baby Levi Alves McConaughey. In a recent interview Matthew McConaughey discussed their plans for baby Levi's placenta. "It's going to be in the orchards and it's going to bear some wonderful fruit," he says, according to an interview transcript. "When I was in Australia, they had a placenta tree that was on the river ... and all the placentas of all that tribe, all that clan, whatever aboriginal tribe that was, all the placentas went under that one tree and it was this huge behemoth of just health and strength.
"This tree was just growing taller and stronger above the rest of Mother Nature around it. It was gorgeous."-- http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080808/ap_en_mo/people_matthew_mcconaughey

I think this is a beautiful thing for them to do with the placenta. In the majority of hospital births in the United States the placenta is simply disposed of, typically by incineration. Most all other cultures have some sort of ritual or custom to honor the placenta. Some common things that people around the world do with the placenta include: art--taking the placenta, and pressing it onto a large piece of paper, it makes a beautiful tree-like design, then framing the art, or some cultures bury the placenta, some bury it under a tree or bush such as McConaughey is doing. And still others consume the placenta, some eat it raw, others make it into smoothies and drink it, some cook it into recipes and eat it, or dry it out, crush it into a powder and put it into caplets to be taken by mouth. Typically consumption of the placenta is for the mother. It is said to help with a whole range of things from post partum depression to easing blood loss. But I must say, the most interesting thing I've heard about doing with a placenta is called a Lotus Birth, or cord nonseverence. After the baby is born the cord isn't clamped or cut, it's just simply left attached to the baby until it falls off on its own usually in 3-10 days after birth. If the family chooses they can treat the placenta with salt, lavender oil, or other fragrant oils/flowers, and wrap the placenta in a cloth diaper or placenta bag. I really like the ideal and principals of Lotus Birth, and it is something I would really love to learn more about. When I get pregnant I would like to do a Lotus Birth, but it isn't very commonplace in US hospitals so I would have to try to find an OB who is OK with it, and maybe get M on board with the whole idea.

So I'm 9 days past ovulation today, well, I think I'm 10 days past ovulation due to a nice dip on CD17, but fertility friend says I o'd on day 18 so I'll go with that. The POAS--pee on a stick--fairy invaded this morning, and I broke down and tested. BFN-big fat neg, of course, but I know it's too soon for a positive anyway. Alright, alright, I tested yesterday too...I'm so ashamed :( I'm going to really try and not test again til at least 12dpo--that will be Wednesday the 13th.

I have to go to the dentist tomorrow for a cleaning and of course I can't stop thinking "what if I'm pregnant, will going to the dentist do any harm?" I don't think I am due for x-rays but if so I guess I'll just say I'm possibly pregnant and see if they can wait on the x-rays.

Auctions and Ovulation

2008-08-06T10:37:00.000-07:00

Well, according to FertilityFriend I have definantly O'd and my temps are pretty high. I'm 5 days into the two week wait. I'm trying not to think about it and just go on with normal day-to-day life, but it's hard, really hard. And the more I give in and daydream about this maybe-baby then the harder the letdown will be when/if my period comes. I'm trying to stay cautiously hopeful. Every little twinge makes me think that this is my cycle.

I am a total Ebay addict, I buy, I sell, I just love ebay! And now I find
that Goodwill even has an auction site? I've never bought from the GW auction site before but it seems pretty busy. Our local Rotary Club has been hosting a radio auction, it started yesterday. Basically all the local businesses offer up a service or goods to be auctioned off on the radio. Listeners call in and place bids. It's really good entertainment and you can get some great buys. They do the auction once a year but I don't understand why more groups trying to fundraise don't do radio auction. I haven't bought anything this year..yet.

World Breastfeeding Week & Other Ramblings

2008-08-03T11:39:00.000-07:00

World Breastfeeding Week started a couple of days ago. It runs from August 1st through the 7th, 2008. Since I don't have any children I've obviously never breastfed a baby, but I am still a fan and beliver in breastfeeding. When I get the chance to have my own little one I fully intend to breastfeed. Even if my journey ends with adoption of an infant I would like to try at least partial breastfeeding. So all you breastfeeding mama's out there: good for you for giving your babe the best possible start in life. And any pregnant mama's reading: please, at least research breastfeeding and make an informed decision.

On to another subject, I *THINK* I may have ovulated this cycle--WOO-HOO!!! You see, I have PCOS and I don't ovulate at all without meds and then only about a quarter of the time. I've taken so much Clomid over the course of the past 4 years that just the mention of Clomid makes my poor husband, Mark, slink away and hide from me. That is one mean drug I tell ya. Mood swings like nobody's business, a headache that rages for a week or more, hot flashes that make you honestly feel like your head is on fire, and the list goes on. Yet after each crying jag, temper tantrum, or near spontaneous combustion episode you feel delighted that maybe the side effects means the Clomid is working.
But this cycle we decided to try a drug called Femara (letrozole) instead of the Clomid. So far so good, very very slight headache, no moodieness--M is ecstatic about that of course--and instead of hot flashes it's more like feeling warm and fuzzy for a couple minutes. I'm loving this Femara stuff! My infertility doc, Dr. B, started me out on 7.5mgs of Femara days 3-7 so I'm really hoping I at least ovulate this cycle.

Well, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my Sunday with M, it's a pretty rare thing when we have a whole day to spend together alone.

My Maiden Post

2008-08-02T13:51:00.000-07:00

I've finally entered the world of blogging! Actually I've been an avid blog reader for sometime now and just recently decided to try my hand at writing my own.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over 4 years now and I feel that putting my feelings and experiences out there for others to read will help me through this and hopefully help or at least entertain my fellow TTC'ers (Trying To Conceive' ers).
I work as a child care provider in my home. A babysitter. But I really hope that I'm making a difference in the lives of the children I care for.
Well, that's all for my first offical blog post. I guess we'll just have to see where this thing goes....