Thursday, April 23, 2009

Down, but what do you expect at 4 in the morning

It's 4:15AM and here I sit. I can't sleep. I'm feeling totally out of control in the TTC realm. No meds, other than metformin, no temps, no charts, no period, no opks. Nothing. I'm going to try to drop a few pounds then go back to my RE, but in the meantime I feel like I"m not doing anything to reach my goal of being a mom. M's working nights lately so it's thrown off my sleeping schedule. I stumbled across an infertility blog and was reading entries from 07 and 08, I'm relating to a lot of what this woman is going through, then I go to the most recent post--pics of her twin newborns. I know that this should give me hope, but I guess I'm a terrible person, because hope is not where my mind went. God, when is it going to be my turn? Ever?
If I just knew one way or the other--keep trying one day it will happen, or let it go you're barren for life--then I really think I could deal with all this. I'm in one of those funks where everyone around me seems to be having babies, adopting babies, etc, etc, and my life is at a stand-still.
Sorry this is such a downer post.