Just life, nothing exciting

Things have been busy around here. I just got out of the hospital with pneumonia and bronchitis. It was my first time ever having to stay overnight in the hospital and I didn't care for it thank you very much. Feeling better and trying to play catch-up with the housework now. I haven't spoken with expectant mom in about a week and a half. I want to just talk to her constantly and ask her every little pregnancy detail but I know I can't. When we get on the phone I ask the "how are you feeling" and "how are the kids and hubby" questions but it always comes to a lull in the conversation and I start feeling awkward and don't know what to say or talk about. I need some non-pregnancy/baby related things to talk about. I've never been a very socially outgoing person. I've still been picking up baby items here and there, just odd pieces that happen to be on sale or really good discount. My mom, sister, and best friend have started planning a baby shower. Some of Mark's family have expressed their desire to wait til after the baby is born to buy gifts and I'm totally fine with that. I don't even care if the baby doesn't get any gifts and I just want him or her to know that we were planning before he/she got here and the whole family loves him/her. Since we are looking at a cold wintry birth then I don't think I want a lot of people coming in soon after to bring gifts and see the baby. It will be flu season, RSV, colds, etc. I just think having a shower before Baby D gets here makes more sense. I'm a planner, I always have been. I like having things ready. I would just feel better knowing that everything is bought and clean and put away before the baby comes.
Other than that life is still going on. We're trying to get our firewood in for the winter and just get things outside stored away.

Baby bump

I saw expectant mom on Sunday and she's got a little baby bump. It's so cute.
I bought a cradle at a yard sale for $10 and it's originally $175 and it's in excellent condition. Only used a couple times, and she gave me the bumper pads and sheet to go with it. She said her toddler keeps climbing it and she's afraid she'll get hurt. I was super excited to find such a great deal.
We've been remodeling the bathroom, that was a job. New cabinets, sink, flooring, painted, etc. It looks pretty good but I'm not sure about the paint color. It's called string bean and it's a bit darker than the swatch. But it feels good to be getting things done. Next I want to start working on the baby's nursery. I think I want the walls a pale yellow and Baby Looney Tunes wallpaper border and decor. I'm going with white crib and changing table.
We are still discussing baby names. For a girl Sydney, Savannah, and Elizabeth top the list. And for a boy Liam, Landon, and William. We can't agree and still have no middle names picked out.

Gro Baby!

I've been researching cloth diapers online and I think I may have found the ones I want. They are Gro Baby diapers! They are good from newborn to toddler so no need to buy different diapers for different sizes. I just LOVE the colors they come in, especially the green. The soaker pads are organic cotton and the snaps are guaranteed for life. I really like the looks of this diaper and I really want to try it out. Take a look at their site, http://www.thenaturalbabyco.com/grobaby%E2%84%A2-ic-11_16.html

So far so good

Well, the lawyer meeting went amazingly well. Mark and I both really liked him. He answered all our questions and really put our minds at ease. I spoke with the husband last night and he seemed satisfied with all the lawyers answers. Basically we just get through the pregnancy and when the baby is born the lawyer sets things in motion. We can help out with direct pregnancy related expenses such as maternity clothes, doctor copays, vitamins, etc. A girl my sister works with brought a diaper bag full of baby stuff yesterday for me. It was so sweet, I cried. Our very first baby gift!
I've also started seriously looking into cloth diapers, it's overwhelming how many different options are out there. I need someone to help guide me through this. Any suggestions would be great.

Amazing how something so small can consume your whole life

I've spoken with the mom a couple of times since our initial meeting last week, and I've spoken with her husband as well. They are such nice people and they seem committed to this adoption. We meet with a lawyer first thing in the morning. I've got a long list of questions and I hope I can get everything I need answered in the short 30 minutes we have with him. I really hope his fees are reasonable. Expectant mom is soon to be in need of some maternity clothes and I don't know if I can help her get some or not, WV law isn't real clear about EXACTLY what the adoptive parents can and can't pay for. I've contacted 2 places about the home study, one wants a flat fee of $3,000, the other has the services broken down into a price list but total comes to a little over $2,100. People also keep telling me that a lot of social workers do home studies on the side as extra income, and I would be fine with that if I could just find someone to do it. I know it sounds like I'm only worried about the money but really that's not it. Each day is a roller coaster of emotions and right now my mind has just settled on money.
I bought 2 little outfits the other day and a stuffed giraffe that plays music. My head is telling me not to buy yet but my heart couldn't resist. I wonder if these emotions are similar to what it feels like when a woman finds out she's pregnant? I'm just filled with love, excitement, worry, and every other emotion all rolled into one. I want to tell everyone I see that I'm going to be a mom. I can't keep from thinking about it, yet I hate to aggravate everyone by talking about it nonstop. I can't focus on anything else. It really is amazing how this teensy tiny little baby consumes my every thought!

Adoption

We met with an expectant mother yesterday who is looking to place her baby for adoption. Near the end of the 1.5 hour meeting she said she wants us to raise her baby. I'm elated!! She has other small children and had healthy pregnancies each time. Rough estimated due date is late Feb/early March. She will be going to the doctor later in the week. This all feels so surreal. I don't know whether to worry, get excited, buy baby clothes, or what to do. Last night after I came home and shared the news with our family and friends I got in bed and wept. I'm so so so very happy. A baby, I'm going to be bringing a baby home early 2010. This all feels so right.
I am very aware that there could be setbacks, complications, or this could all slip away, but for now I'm optimistic. I'm excited!!!

I think I'm ready to get off the ride

I've been trying to make a decision about whether to continue seeing my RE. I just got my last refill of Metformin so I need to either call and make an appointment with him or call and let them know I'm stopping treatment/going on break. Each cycle of treatment I'm pretty grouchy, I gain a couple pounds because I'm an emotional eater, we spend more money we don't really have, and in the end it fails anyway. It's taken over 5 long years but I'm finally ready to just be a mom--one way or another. During our time trying to get pregnant I've dreamed of being pregnant, a baby shower, giving birth, breastfeeding, etc, now none of that matters--as much--and I'm just ready to be a mom, whether or not the child is biologically mine.
But either way I need to figure out about my metformin, I don't know if I need to keep taking it even if we stop TTC or should I go on birth control? I found a new OB/Gyn closer to home so I saw him last month for my pap smear and he was a total jackass! I tried to ask about stopping TTC and the met and he said "make another appt if you want to discuss that" I think it was just one of those times where we just clashed. I'll look for another ob/gyn for next years pap.
In other news, things are good. Mark is working a lot which makes for great paychecks. We had a big Fourth of July party with lots of friends and family, a little rain but great overall. We are both wanting to take a vacation in Sept but can't decided where to go or what to do..suggestions?