Gas-X to the rescue...

Feeling better about things today. And yes, it's cycle day 1. Femara will commence on Saturday.
Last night, laying in bed, tears soaking my pillow, I started to get nauseous. I have a very sensitive tummy and the least little thing causes nausea and vomiting, sorry TMI! Anyway, M was laying there beside me, didn't know what to say or do to comfort me. When I said I was getting sick to my stomach he put his head on my arm and said "Can I get you a Gas-X?" Through my tears I busted out laughing. I love that man with all my heart, even without trying he still made me laugh in the midst of pain. Remember that movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the dad in it was always using Windex to cure EVERYTHING, well, that's how M feels about Gas-X. To him it's the magic cure-all. I love that man!

End of cycle

17 days past ovulation. My longest luteal phase ever. Everything was looking good.
M and I went out to dinner. I got a baby bottle and some baby samples in the mail today, I'm a sample junkie, lol!
Now, I'm spotting, cramping, it's over. I guess tomorrow will be cycle day 1. Trying to have a baby is the most emotionally disturbing thing I've ever been through. I'm angry, I want to cry, I want to beg to God. I'm feeling so lost.
And yet, I know I need to quickly make a decision on whether or not to start another Femara cycle. Maybe I'll be able to think more clearly in the morning.

Niece is having a girl

My niece is pregnant, as I've mentioned before. We found it it will be a baby GIRL!! She's due in late March. Her name is Natalie and we are all very excited to meet her. Now I need to find the perfect shower gift for baby Natalie. Mom will have her hands full with a 2 year old toddler and a newborn so I'm thinking something to help make her life a little easier. I really think she would get use out of a sling or carrier. Since I have basically no experience with baby-wearing I have no idea which one to get, there are a lot of choices out there.

As for me, I'm nearing the end of the 2ww, only 1/2 days left til AF is supposed to come. Here's hoping for a BFP!!

Only 45 days left

I'm more than halfway through the two week wait. Fertility friend says I ovulated 8 days ago, YAY!!!
I've been trying to get my Christmas shopping finished. Only 45 days left! I've only got a few left to get, M being one of them. He wants a 9mm pistol and he works so hard and hardly ever buys anything for himself, I'm really going to try to get him the gun for Christmas. I'm also on the lookout for a good deal on a children's bicycle for one of the little boys I watch, Stone. He's 7 and really wants a bike for Christmas. I bought his sister, Elizabeth, a coat for Christmas but gave it to her early since the weather set in pretty cold. I need to get her something to have under the tree to open so she doesn't feel left out. Any suggestions for a 12 year old girl?
M keeps asking what I want. Truthfully, anything at all would be just fine. I don't think I'm a hard person to buy for. My heart's desire is to have a child of my own, and I try so hard during the holidays to put up a strong front and do all the family/kids/holiday/fun stuff. It starts about Halloween, seeing all the little ones trick-or-treating. This year we took our nephews out and had a pretty good time. But then when we get home all their excitement about the evening is directed at showing Mommy what they got or telling Daddy about the different costumes they saw. M and I are left standing aside, feeling empty again. Thanksgiving isn't too bad, we go out to eat, shop, and then the little ones come by to have dessert with us. Christmas is hard. I don't want to decorate, make cookies, bother with the tree. But I do. I do because my nephews, and Elizabeth, and Stone. I want them to have fun and make memories. I do it so that I'm not the bitter barren lady who won't put up lights. If we don't get pregnant this cycle then this will be Holiday Season number 5 we've been through while TTC.
OK, I didn't mean for this to turn into a whiny post, sorry. I'll try harder next time to lighten things up a bit!