Gas-X to the rescue...

Feeling better about things today. And yes, it's cycle day 1. Femara will commence on Saturday.
Last night, laying in bed, tears soaking my pillow, I started to get nauseous. I have a very sensitive tummy and the least little thing causes nausea and vomiting, sorry TMI! Anyway, M was laying there beside me, didn't know what to say or do to comfort me. When I said I was getting sick to my stomach he put his head on my arm and said "Can I get you a Gas-X?" Through my tears I busted out laughing. I love that man with all my heart, even without trying he still made me laugh in the midst of pain. Remember that movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the dad in it was always using Windex to cure EVERYTHING, well, that's how M feels about Gas-X. To him it's the magic cure-all. I love that man!

End of cycle

17 days past ovulation. My longest luteal phase ever. Everything was looking good.
M and I went out to dinner. I got a baby bottle and some baby samples in the mail today, I'm a sample junkie, lol!
Now, I'm spotting, cramping, it's over. I guess tomorrow will be cycle day 1. Trying to have a baby is the most emotionally disturbing thing I've ever been through. I'm angry, I want to cry, I want to beg to God. I'm feeling so lost.
And yet, I know I need to quickly make a decision on whether or not to start another Femara cycle. Maybe I'll be able to think more clearly in the morning.

Niece is having a girl

My niece is pregnant, as I've mentioned before. We found it it will be a baby GIRL!! She's due in late March. Her name is Natalie and we are all very excited to meet her. Now I need to find the perfect shower gift for baby Natalie. Mom will have her hands full with a 2 year old toddler and a newborn so I'm thinking something to help make her life a little easier. I really think she would get use out of a sling or carrier. Since I have basically no experience with baby-wearing I have no idea which one to get, there are a lot of choices out there.

As for me, I'm nearing the end of the 2ww, only 1/2 days left til AF is supposed to come. Here's hoping for a BFP!!

Only 45 days left

I'm more than halfway through the two week wait. Fertility friend says I ovulated 8 days ago, YAY!!!
I've been trying to get my Christmas shopping finished. Only 45 days left! I've only got a few left to get, M being one of them. He wants a 9mm pistol and he works so hard and hardly ever buys anything for himself, I'm really going to try to get him the gun for Christmas. I'm also on the lookout for a good deal on a children's bicycle for one of the little boys I watch, Stone. He's 7 and really wants a bike for Christmas. I bought his sister, Elizabeth, a coat for Christmas but gave it to her early since the weather set in pretty cold. I need to get her something to have under the tree to open so she doesn't feel left out. Any suggestions for a 12 year old girl?
M keeps asking what I want. Truthfully, anything at all would be just fine. I don't think I'm a hard person to buy for. My heart's desire is to have a child of my own, and I try so hard during the holidays to put up a strong front and do all the family/kids/holiday/fun stuff. It starts about Halloween, seeing all the little ones trick-or-treating. This year we took our nephews out and had a pretty good time. But then when we get home all their excitement about the evening is directed at showing Mommy what they got or telling Daddy about the different costumes they saw. M and I are left standing aside, feeling empty again. Thanksgiving isn't too bad, we go out to eat, shop, and then the little ones come by to have dessert with us. Christmas is hard. I don't want to decorate, make cookies, bother with the tree. But I do. I do because my nephews, and Elizabeth, and Stone. I want them to have fun and make memories. I do it so that I'm not the bitter barren lady who won't put up lights. If we don't get pregnant this cycle then this will be Holiday Season number 5 we've been through while TTC.
OK, I didn't mean for this to turn into a whiny post, sorry. I'll try harder next time to lighten things up a bit!

Let it snow

It's snowing here! It's the first snow we've seen since last winter. I just love the snow. I went to high school in the northern part of West Virginia and we were up on the top of a mountain. It snowed nearly every day from mid-fall to early spring. I really learned to appreciate the snow, skiing, tubing, sledding, all that good stuff. The snow this evening is just supposed to be flurries with maybe a light snow shower. I don't care, just seeing the snow or smelling the air right before it snows puts me in a better mood. Hmm...maybe I've got reverse SAD. Where we live now we only get maybe 1 or 2 good snowfalls each year, 4-6inches or so. I'd really love to get away sometime this winter and go skiing, M has never been and I really think he'd like it. I'm going to go fix some hot chocolate and enjoy the rest of my evening.

Nothing new

Third times a charm, right? Well, this is Femara round 3 and I'm feeling side effects this go around. I've got a massive headache and Tylenol does nothing for it. Dizziness has also been a disturbance a few times over the past couple days. God, please, let it be my turn.

Country roads, take me home

CD 4 here and day 2 of Femara. So far so good. With all the charting and figuring out when to BD and all that other good stuff sometimes I do a quick jump-ahead and count 40wks ahead and see what my due date would be if I were to get pregnant this cycle, July 25th, 09. Sounds like a wonderful time to have a baby in my opinion.
This past Saturday was my nephews birthday party, Zack 3 and Josh 4. They had such a great time and they got new bicycles, so great to see their little faces when they saw them! On the way to the party, which was at a State Park, we were on a narrow, curvy, little 2 lane road. We came around a curve at 1 point and there was a 4-wheeler in the other lane with what looked to be about 5 people riding it, and to the right a chicken walking along the road. It just struck me as funny, not too many city folk ever get the chance to see people using 4wheelers on main roads and having to slow down for chickens.
Then Saturday evening, M, me and our friends Vanessa and Matt went to a Corn Maize. It was SO much fun! We were inside it for about 2.5 hours before I got out voted and we skipped out the side and left. I am determined to go back and beat that darn maze.

Light a candle

Tomorrow, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. If you have lost a pregnancy or an infant, or you know someone who has, then tomorrow, at 7pm, light a candle and let it burn for at least 1 hour. It doesn't matter what time zone you are in, just at 7pm your local time, light a candle. Maybe say a little prayer or blessing, whatever you see fit. If miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss hasn't happened directly to you but you know someone who has felt this pain, then light the candle for their little angle, go out of you way to do something special for the mom and dad. When you have a miscarriage everyone seems to either forget or think you've forgotten, it's nice to be reminded once in a while that others remember your little one's presence on this earth, no matter how short. Light a candle. I know I will.

Happy Birthday Zacka!

This is a picture of my nephew, Zachary. Yesterday he turned 3! It seems like just a few weeks ago he was a tiny little baby just coming home from the hospital. He was such a good, happy baby. He hardly fussed and then it was only for food! Then he become mobile and decided life was more fun when the adults were always in an up-roar! He could climb before he could walk, he'd just crawl over to something and start climbing, couches, chairs, tables, desks, Christmas trees, it really didn't matter! But we've made it past the "terrible twos" and fingers crossed things will only get easier from here. Now don't get me wrong, I love this little boy just like he were my own and I wouldn't change a thing about him even if I could. I love you Zachary and I look forward to watching you grow up, and hopefully giving you a baby cousin someday soon.

When I was single and first out on my own it was odd to be called Ms. W-, then when I got married being called Mrs. D-, felt great, but when my first nephew, Joshua, was about 14mos old and called me Aunt Jill for the first time, my heart just melted. It's probably the greatest thing I've ever been called.

I'm a bad blogger...

I can never seem to find time to post on here. I guess it's just that things aren't very exciting, at least not lately.
As for what's happening, well not happening, reproductively, I didn't ovulate this cycle. So I started back on a pack of birth control for 3 weeks then I'll try the Femara again 7.5mgs days 3-7. I should finish my pack of birth control on Oct. 20th, that is if I can make it that long. My RE gave me Femcon, the chewable kind, and I've taken it twice in the past and it's always had nasty side effects like flooding, clotting, etc. Sorry if that's TMI! I'm already a week in and so far so good, knock on wood.

Does anyone else watch/follow the family "The Duggars." I am so fascinated by them and I really don't know why. Last night I watched the newest show and it was all about their oldest son, Josh, getting engaged. He and his fiancée are both 20 years old and they do nothing more than hug and hold hands. Their first kiss will be at their wedding, isn't that just such a sweet thing? I hope lots of younger kids will see that and follow in their footsteps.

Prayers needed--Update at bottom

My niece is around 11wks pregnant with baby #2. Today she started having some minor complications and has gone to the ER to get things checked out. If you are the religious type, then please, just say a little prayer that mom and baby are both ok.

UPDATE:

It turned out to be a simple infection that can be cleared with oral antibiotics. Baby is due in March, maybe he/she will come around my birthday, March 6th.

Colds ruin everything!

I haven't ovulated yet and it's cycle day 21. I'm getting pretty discouraged this cycle. Last weekend we went to Cincinnati, Ohio and watched a Reds ballgame. M is a HUGE Reds fan and it was his first MLB game ever. The game was great, the Reds won and Encarnacion hit a Grand Slam! It was wonderful seeing hubby so happy. They put on a great fireworks display after the game. Then the next day we went to King's Island for their starlight admission--5 hours for $15--a great deal if you just want to grab a few quick rides. It was nice, but M doesn't ride much, so we rode 4 things and hung around a played games, ate funnel cake, etc. Having a weekend away was just heavenly. We came back on Sunday evening and I woke up Monday morning with a head cold. Of course I refused to take any over the counter cold meds because I didn't want anything to dry up my CM because it was O time. It's progressed from head cold to chest cold and last night my asthma flared up a bit. I'm feeling better today I just sound bad. The little guy I watch, Zachary-2 almost 3, who also happens to be my nephew, overhead me talking on the phone about my voice being very hoarse and insisted on a piggyback ride and has called me a horse ever since.
I'm hoping the cold has just delayed ovulation and it will still happen soon, the latest I've O'd is day 23 so I'm still holding out a little hope. But M got home from work this morning and said he's feeling awful, sore throat, stuffy nose, all that stuff. So I don't know if we will be able to, well, ya know, tonight. I'm guessing no.
But that's all that's been going on around here lately.

New Beginnings in teeth and TTC

My dear husband, M, has had terrible teeth since long before we got together. When he was a child he had braces and they hurt him quite badly. He became terrified of anything hurting his teeth or mouth and so he refused to brush. That coupled with unwillingness to see a dentist and his parents lack of discipline equaled rotten teeth. His solution was when 1 tooth got to hurting so bad he couldn't take it he'd go have it pulled. This caused days of pain after each visit and days of anxiety leading up to each visit. So we discussed dentures and he decided to have all his teeth pulled, 1 quadrant at a time. His top were done last year and he was fitted with dentures and I'm pleased to say his bottom is all done now too! The stitches are out, gums healing nicely, and his breath is incredibly better! I don't mean this to sound petty, but his breath was so bad, and his teeth so painful, that we hadn't really had a good kiss since, I guess our wedding day. 2 nights ago I had my first kiss from my husband in over 4 years. I'd forgotten how wonderful kissing is. I'm very proud of him for overcoming his fears and getting his dental work taken care of. He goes for dentures in Sept.
I'm on cycle day 6 so today and tomorrow and I'll be done with the Femara this round. The side effects are hitting a bit harder this time but still nothing like Clomid. I've had like 3 mild hot flashes, a light headache since day 4, and tears flow a bit easier than normal. I got book Unsung Lullabies yesterday and I've started reading it. I'll let you know what I think of it when I'm done. I love to read, chic lit mostly. I'm a member of paperbackswap.com and I just love it. It's really saved me a lot of money over the past year or so too. For any avid readers out there you should give it a try, it's free, you post books you have to give away, then when someone requests one of your books you mail it--at your cost, usually $2.25--then you get a credit which you can use to request a book from another member, and they mail it at THEIR cost. And they were doing a deal that if you signed up and posted 10 books to trade you got 1 free credit.

Femara Cycle 1 a Bust, feeling a little low

This cycle is officially over. My temp dropped well below my cover line and now I'm spotting. Cycle day 1 should be tomorrow. I'm going to do another Femara 7.5mg cycle again. Overall I was pretty pleased with the Femara. And this cycle was a nice normal one, ovulation on day 18, 14 day LP, 32 day cycle. Gotta remember to get to the pharmacy to pick up this months Femara. Last month the pharmacist came out and asked what in the world I was doing with Femara and 3 pills a day at that! Poor guy, I still don't think he got it, oh well! I'm pretty down today but I think I have earned the right to be down for just 1 day, right? No work today so I'm just going to cry when I need to cry, pray when I need to pray, and get just a little lazy when it comes to housework. I just always get real hopeful when we try something new. I was really starting to believe I was pregnant, I even started looking at baby things online. Picking out cribs, bedding sets, looking at cloth diapers, scouring ebay for maternity clothes. I never actually bought anything, but I did look.

M bought a big screen TV from some of his family and we are supposed to go pick it up today. I couldn't care less about the TV, just give me a stereo and a stack of CD's and I'm good. Sure, there are a few shows I watch on TV, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, House, Private Practice, but I can do that on a little TV, I don't need a big screen. It really must be a guy thing. My fur baby, Cricket cat, has allergies and she has to get a shot of Medrol once every 6wks or so and yesterday was the day. I give her the shot and we usually do really well, I just catch her sleeping, pet her and pinch up the skin on her lower back, and pet and pinch, then poke. Quick and simple. Well, M helped yesterday and was petting her head, I stuck the needle in, she turned her head and sunk her teeth deep into his hand. She brought blood. OW!

Things to do with a placenta

As I'm sure most everyone has heard Matthew McConaughey and his girlfriend Camila Alves have welcomed baby Levi Alves McConaughey. In a recent interview Matthew McConaughey discussed their plans for baby Levi's placenta. "It's going to be in the orchards and it's going to bear some wonderful fruit," he says, according to an interview transcript. "When I was in Australia, they had a placenta tree that was on the river ... and all the placentas of all that tribe, all that clan, whatever aboriginal tribe that was, all the placentas went under that one tree and it was this huge behemoth of just health and strength.
"This tree was just growing taller and stronger above the rest of Mother Nature around it. It was gorgeous."-- http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080808/ap_en_mo/people_matthew_mcconaughey



I think this is a beautiful thing for them to do with the placenta. In the majority of hospital births in the United States the placenta is simply disposed of, typically by incineration. Most all other cultures have some sort of ritual or custom to honor the placenta. Some common things that people around the world do with the placenta include: art--taking the placenta, and pressing it onto a large piece of paper, it makes a beautiful tree-like design, then framing the art, or some cultures bury the placenta, some bury it under a tree or bush such as McConaughey is doing. And still others consume the placenta, some eat it raw, others make it into smoothies and drink it, some cook it into recipes and eat it, or dry it out, crush it into a powder and put it into caplets to be taken by mouth. Typically consumption of the placenta is for the mother. It is said to help with a whole range of things from post partum depression to easing blood loss. But I must say, the most interesting thing I've heard about doing with a placenta is called a Lotus Birth, or cord nonseverence. After the baby is born the cord isn't clamped or cut, it's just simply left attached to the baby until it falls off on its own usually in 3-10 days after birth. If the family chooses they can treat the placenta with salt, lavender oil, or other fragrant oils/flowers, and wrap the placenta in a cloth diaper or placenta bag. I really like the ideal and principals of Lotus Birth, and it is something I would really love to learn more about. When I get pregnant I would like to do a Lotus Birth, but it isn't very commonplace in US hospitals so I would have to try to find an OB who is OK with it, and maybe get M on board with the whole idea.

So I'm 9 days past ovulation today, well, I think I'm 10 days past ovulation due to a nice dip on CD17, but fertility friend says I o'd on day 18 so I'll go with that. The POAS--pee on a stick--fairy invaded this morning, and I broke down and tested. BFN-big fat neg, of course, but I know it's too soon for a positive anyway. Alright, alright, I tested yesterday too...I'm so ashamed :( I'm going to really try and not test again til at least 12dpo--that will be Wednesday the 13th.

I have to go to the dentist tomorrow for a cleaning and of course I can't stop thinking "what if I'm pregnant, will going to the dentist do any harm?" I don't think I am due for x-rays but if so I guess I'll just say I'm possibly pregnant and see if they can wait on the x-rays.

Auctions and Ovulation

Well, according to FertilityFriend I have definantly O'd and my temps are pretty high. I'm 5 days into the two week wait. I'm trying not to think about it and just go on with normal day-to-day life, but it's hard, really hard. And the more I give in and daydream about this maybe-baby then the harder the letdown will be when/if my period comes. I'm trying to stay cautiously hopeful. Every little twinge makes me think that this is my cycle.

I am a total Ebay addict, I buy, I sell, I just love ebay! And now I find
that Goodwill even has an auction site? I've never bought from the GW auction site before but it seems pretty busy. Our local Rotary Club has been hosting a radio auction, it started yesterday. Basically all the local businesses offer up a service or goods to be auctioned off on the radio. Listeners call in and place bids. It's really good entertainment and you can get some great buys. They do the auction once a year but I don't understand why more groups trying to fundraise don't do radio auction. I haven't bought anything this year..yet.

World Breastfeeding Week & Other Ramblings

World Breastfeeding Week started a couple of days ago. It runs from August 1st through the 7th, 2008. Since I don't have any children I've obviously never breastfed a baby, but I am still a fan and beliver in breastfeeding. When I get the chance to have my own little one I fully intend to breastfeed. Even if my journey ends with adoption of an infant I would like to try at least partial breastfeeding. So all you breastfeeding mama's out there: good for you for giving your babe the best possible start in life. And any pregnant mama's reading: please, at least research breastfeeding and make an informed decision.

On to another subject, I *THINK* I may have ovulated this cycle--WOO-HOO!!! You see, I have PCOS and I don't ovulate at all without meds and then only about a quarter of the time. I've taken so much Clomid over the course of the past 4 years that just the mention of Clomid makes my poor husband, Mark, slink away and hide from me. That is one mean drug I tell ya. Mood swings like nobody's business, a headache that rages for a week or more, hot flashes that make you honestly feel like your head is on fire, and the list goes on. Yet after each crying jag, temper tantrum, or near spontaneous combustion episode you feel delighted that maybe the side effects means the Clomid is working.
But this cycle we decided to try a drug called Femara (letrozole) instead of the Clomid. So far so good, very very slight headache, no moodieness--M is ecstatic about that of course--and instead of hot flashes it's more like feeling warm and fuzzy for a couple minutes. I'm loving this Femara stuff! My infertility doc, Dr. B, started me out on 7.5mgs of Femara days 3-7 so I'm really hoping I at least ovulate this cycle.

Well, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my Sunday with M, it's a pretty rare thing when we have a whole day to spend together alone.

My Maiden Post

I've finally entered the world of blogging! Actually I've been an avid blog reader for sometime now and just recently decided to try my hand at writing my own.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over 4 years now and I feel that putting my feelings and experiences out there for others to read will help me through this and hopefully help or at least entertain my fellow TTC'ers (Trying To Conceive' ers).
I work as a child care provider in my home. A babysitter. But I really hope that I'm making a difference in the lives of the children I care for.
Well, that's all for my first offical blog post. I guess we'll just have to see where this thing goes....